


Someone will love you but someone isn't me.

by transgendergerard



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Friends to Enemies to Friends, M/M, Moving On, Nostalgia, Past Relationship(s), but they dont get back together, ryan is already out btw, the boys getting the happy ending they deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 03:20:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11282730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transgendergerard/pseuds/transgendergerard
Summary: Ryan wakes up to the news that Brendon has come out of the closet through a new Panic! song.





	Someone will love you but someone isn't me.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy pride month everyone! This fic is really important to me. As a person who hasn't come out yet (rip me) I thought I should write something that will maybe help me get to that point.   
>  The song that Brendon put out is basically Sorry by Halsey and the music video is inspired by the music video for Cassadee Pope's song 11. I personally recommend to listen to Halsey's song while reading this and watch the music video before you read this fic! 
> 
> follow me on tumblr: www.grayjedigerard.tumblr.com

Ryan woke up with a start. From some weird dream where he didn’t know what was going on in the first place. It was morning, he thought. Telling by the light coming from the windows. Ryan went to grab his phone from his nightstand to check the time when he heard he got a notification for something.  
NEWS: Panic! At the Disco’s frontman Brendon Urie comes out of the closet in heartfelt new music video for new song called “Teach Me To Love”

Ryan didn’t know how long he stared at the small screen in his hands.

Brendon… his Brendon came out. He looked at the date on his phone, which happens to be October 11, Coming Out Day. Did he plan this? Was it spare of the moment? He had so many questions. But before he let his mind do all the overthinking he swiped the notification so he can actually watch the music video. He hit the start button.

The first thing he hears is a piano. But he doesn’t see Brendon. He sees something like an old movie tape getting ready to show the actual movie. Now he’s hearing voices. Quite. Talking. He recognizes one as his, but from when he was younger. And the other voice he wouldn’t miss in a million years was Brendon’s. Also when he was young. The video shows them on a tour bus, and Ryan knew right away it was the first tour they did for Fever. He still had his stage makeup on, hair spiked, but in a white shirt and sweatpants.

He remembers that the shirt was Brendon’s. It was too big for him even if Brendon was still younger than him. He was curled up at the edge of the couch that was at the back of the tour bus, trying to pay attention to the tv, but Brendon was trying to film him.

“Hey… hey, Ryan… what are you doing?”   
“Trying to not pay attention to you.” Younger Ryan laughs at his boyfriend.   
“Really? I’m hurt by that. I can’t believe my own boyfriend would betray me in such a way.” Younger Brendon sounds hurt, but he was laughing so he knew B was joking.   
“Well, you wouldn’t want to pay attention to your boyfriend either if he keeps on filming you do boring things!” Ryan said. Trying not to look at Brendon w/ a big smile on his face.   
“No, I would totally pay attention to him,” B replied.   
“Sure Bren, sure.” It was quite for a moment expect for the music playing. Then younger Brendon spoke up.   
“Hey hey Ry, guess what?”   
“What B?”   
“I love you.” Ryan shivered at that. They had only told each other that a few other times before that moment. It still felt like the first time for him.   
“I love you too, Brendon. Now can you please turn that thing off so I can cuddle you?” Younger Ryan was looking at B lovely like he was his world. Which at that time he was, but not anymore. They’re in separate worlds now.   
“Okay, fine. You know my weakness is getting to cuddle you!” B said, laughing. 

The song is a sad piano ballad. An apology letter to an old lover. And Ryan didn’t need to be told twice who it was written about.  
The song was about him. Brendon was finally saying sorry to him. For what? For lots of things. Ryan didn’t want to think about everything that was wrong with their relationship, but this was probably the best way Ryan would get an apology from Brendon.   
The old clip ends and pictures are now being shown. Pictures only him and Brendon have only known of. The first one is one Ryan take of Brendon. Brendon taking a nap on the couch while on some tour, looking adorable as ever. With a caption: “you look really cute when you sleep xo Ry” now it’s a picture that Spencer toke during the making of Pretty.Odd. Ryan and Brendon are at the piano, but they’re not playing it. Brendon is just moving his hands on random keys, and made Ryan laugh so hard that his hand is hidden in Brendon’s shoulder. Like it’s supposed to be there. The caption is in Brendon’s handwriting: I love making you smile like that. I feel like I only get to see it, B. That moment inspired This Piano Knows Something I Don’t Know. Now a picture of them on stage is on screen. It’s during fever era. Ryan is in his classic outfit with roses on his vest, and matching eye makeup. He was so scared to start using makeup on stage, but it helped him be comfortable with himself and with his sexuality. Brendon helped him put his makeup on the first time he did stage makeup.   
Ryan was playing his guitar and Brendon hid his face in Ryan’s shoulder. He had the biggest smile on his face. Ryan was staring at B and not at his guitar. The caption was made by Jon Quoting: you two need to get a room before I kick you two out of the band, J Walker. Ryan actually laughed at that. Which he was surprised by.   
Another old video started to play. It was when I Write Sins music video was first put out, and the entire Fueled By record label held a party. Well, Pete held the party. Cause this was Pete Wentz we’re talking about and he always finds a way to party. He’s the one that’s filming. 

“So boys, you just did your first music video ever. How do you feel?” Brendon was the first to answer. He and Ryan are on a couch and Ryan is cuddled into his side.   
“Not bad really. I thought it would be like filming a sex tape, but sadly it was not like a sex tape. A little disappointed really.” There was laughter after that, but not from Ryan. He was flushing hard and trying to hide it in Brendon’s neck.   
“Awww Ry, you wouldn’t want to do the Panic! Sex tape?” Pete asked younger Ryan. Whom got his head out of Brendon’s protection.   
“No, I don’t think so. None of us are even 20 yet Pete! Wouldn’t we get sent to prison or something?” “Hmmm I might, but not you guys. I think Brendon would give them his best puppy dog eyes to bail you guys out.”  
“Why are you even assuming it would be me and B doing it anyways?”   
“Oh, I just assumed you’ve toke b’s virginity already by this point.” Brendon was the one to blush now. Hiding his face behind a pillow. “Awww it looks like you did Ry!”   
“Well yeah, but I don’t feel like we need to tell the world we’ve had sex though. Some people like to keep things private Pete.” Ryan said.   
“I think that was a burn!” Patrick said from the other side of the room, coming out of nowhere. Ryan spoke up again since Brendon is too embarrassed about the whole virgin thing.   
“Since you were the one that brought it out Pete how about we got a fob sex tape?”   
“Hmmm maybe if I Write Sins gets bigger than our next single we would do a sex tape. Will we Patrick?”   
“Huh? Oh yeah sure…” Patrick looked like he saw a ghost. 

I Write Sins did get bigger than the next FOB single, but a FOB sex tape was never found.

Now a photo album was soon open again with a bunch of old Polaroids of mostly him and Brendon. The picture that is picked out is one of the band is them at the airport, and it’s early and everyone’s hair is all over the place. Brendon is standing against one of those things that you put your bags on, while Ryan was hiding his head in Brendon’s chest trying to get some sleep. Brendon’s hands are on his hips and his arms are wrapped around Ryan’s middle. Trying to keep him from falling. The caption is in B’s handwriting: so it may have been my fault we woke up late, but it’s not my fault that you didn’t fall over at the airport. So, I think I can say I saved your life :D x B   
Now the photo album pages have been flipped to the end of the book, where a piece of paper has fallen out. The handwriting is Brendon’s. It’s the song.

Ryan doesn’t have any words to say. I mean, they’ve both have technically moved on. Brendon has found Sarah, who makes him the happiest person in the world. They’re married and Ryan couldn’t be happier for those two. And Ryan has Dan. They haven’t told anyone this, but they’re engaged. Dan proposed last month after Ryan finished making his newest album. Ryan looks at his engagement ring and smiles.   
They’ve both come so far. They’ve both build amazing relationships with amazing people, but they don’t want to go back to each other. It will ruin everything that they have grown and made it small again. But, now they both know not to look back in anger and just think about the what ifs. Yes, they were together. No, they’re not together now. But no matter what there’s always going to be a lil bit of RyanandBrendon in whatever they do. They were each other first boyfriends, and you can’t just make that part of your life go away forever. It’s a little bit of everything you do now.   
The video is at the end when one more picture of just Brendon pops up. It’s recent, and the date says it’s from two days ago. Brendon is in the studio on a couch writing out what looks to be a letter. The caption reads: 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for breaking your heart and I’m sorry that we never got the chance for our love to grow. I still wish sometimes we can still be together, but I know we can’t be. But just know I’m still going to be your boy and you will still be mine. Thank you for teaching me how to love.   
Love,   
B Urie x.

The video ends.

@/brendonurie: this is the most important video I’ll ever make in my life. Thank you guys for giving me this chance. I love all of you. (Link)

@/thisisryanross: @/brendonurie I love love love love you. Thank you for this. And I’m sorry too. Can we be friends again? :)

@/brendonurie: @thisisryanross hmm I’ll think about it. Halloween is coming up and Sarah and I are having this huge party. Wanna come?

@/thisisryanross liked Brendon Uries tweet.

@/thisisryanross: @/brendonurie yes! I’ll be there <3

@/halsey: @/brendonurie @/thisisryanross 14 year old me can’t stop fucking crying. I love you guys forever.

@/petewentz: @brendonurie proud of you man. Also, about that FOB sex tape….

@/patrickstump: @/petewentz please never bring up the sex tape again.   
@/brendonurie that was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen/heard. Can’t wait to hear it live on the new tour.

@/LYNNGVNN: @/brendonurie. That was so inspiring. Thanks for being who u are. Queer people are the future of art.

@/gerardway: @/brendonurie: all the love to you <33333 I feel like this is going to make so many kids be brave and finally be themselves. You should be very proud.

@/markhoppus: listen, guys. Don’t blame @/brendonurie that we didn’t get a FOB sex tape. It was my fault and I’m sorry. Wait… maybe Blink can make a Sorry 2. Down with that B?

@/billiejoearmstrong: in ‘94 I put a song on Dookie called “Coming Clean”. Which is a song about me figuring out I’m bisexual when I was 17. It almost didn’t make it on the album cause the people at Lookout! thought people will hate not only Green Day forever but no one would want to sign to the label if we put out the song, but I’ve gotten so many letters from so many kids saying how the song has helped them be okay with who they are and not be afraid to be themselves. I think @/brendonurie this song will do the same thing to so many kids who will hear it and most importantly hear themselves. You’re doing great things.

@/yalyahwilliams: I’ve always been proud of @/brendonurie, but right now it’s the proudest I’ve ever felt for a person who I’ve known for such a long time. Pat yourself on the back, dude. You earn it. Love is love.


End file.
